Wesley

November 10, 2015

·       Change of plans… Today, we will do an essay skills review and grounding exercise, in preparation for more thoughtful peer reviews, now moved to Thursday (see revised schedule below.)

·       Individually, read both essays carefully (15 minutes). At the end of each essay write a brief summary of the strengths and weaknesses of their 1) content and 2) command of language and conventions.

·       At the end of fifteen minutes, I will assign you to a group of three. In conjunction with the rubric, you will use the chart provided to provide a well-supported evaluation of the essay,

o   Tomorrow, I will select several teams to present their evaluations, and other teams will comment on how they evaluated each essay.

o   Our first peer review is moved to Thursday, November 12; This will allow you to have a better, more-developed first draft.

o   Our second draft and second peer review is moved to Friday, November 13

o   Our almost-final draft and final peer review is moved to Monday, November 16.

o   The final is due between November 17-19

Essay Number __________      Group Member Names: ________________________________________________________________________________

Skill	Claim Make a claim as to which skill level it falls into (exceptional, experienced, capable, developing)	Data  Provide textual evidence/data to support your skill level claim.	Warrant Referring to the textual evidence cited in the data column, the essay as whole, and language from the rubric mixed with your own words, explain why this essay warrants the skill level ranking your group assigned.
Literary/Rhetorical Analysis & Insight
Thesis as Controlling Idea
Development of Argument via Quality & Integration of Support/Evidence
Control of Language
Conventions

Skill	Exceptional	Experienced	Capable	Developing
Literary/Rhetorical Analysis & Insight	Essay reveals a sophisticated understanding of the text. Analysis acknowledges the complexities, ambiguity, and contradictions of the text.	Essay reveals a generally strong understanding of the text. Although the analysis is good, it is less sophisticated and nuanced than the analysis found in the strongest papers.	Essay reveals a satisfactory understanding of the text. This analysis conveys an accurate, although somewhat basic understanding of the complexities, ambiguity, and contradictions of the text.	These essays may contain significant misinterpretations of the prompt and/or text. The analysis is likely to be unpersuasive, perfunctory, underdeveloped or misguided. May practice paraphrase and plot summary at the expense of analysis or argument.
Thesis as Controlling Idea	The controlling idea (thesis) is intelligently chosen, focused, and developed with originality and imagination. Thesis is articulately stated and contains precise word choices.	The controlling idea is focused, meaningful. Thesis is clearly expressed and word choice is relatively exact.	The central idea is adequate and relatively focused. Wording of thesis generally clear but may contain some awkward syntax and word choices	The argument they develop may be inaccurate or insubstantial or not clearly related to the prompt. Wording and syntax of thesis may be awkward, imprecise, or confusing
Development of Argument via Quality & Integration of Support/Evidence	There is clear-cut organization - a clear central idea which is logically and skillfully subdivided (paragraphs), and developed by specific details. The essay is a highly effective whole, free of irrelevant matter, and contains skillful transitions.	Essay demonstrates an ability to analyze a literary work or develop an argument, but reveals a more limited understanding and development of ideas. Writer clearly and consistently incorporates specific textual evidence.	Writing conveys the writer's ideas, stays mostly focused on the prompt, and contains at least some effort to produce analysis. The discussion of meaning or development of argument may be formulaic or underdeveloped. Generally, not as well conceived, organized, or developed as the upper-half papers.	The argument may be inaccurate or insubstantial, containing little supporting evidence, and practicing paraphrase and plot summary at the expense of analysis or argument. Argument might not be clearly related to the prompt or part of the prompt might not be addressed. May contain tangents not related to thesis. Poorly organized.
Control of Language	Stylistically mature writing which exhibits a strong control over all elements of composition. The sentence structures (syntax) are clear and logical and varied in structure.  The word choices (diction) are exact.	They are well-written but with somewhat less stylistic maturity and control than the best papers. The sentences on the whole are correctly and logically constructed, and the word choices are reasonably exact.	The language generally conveys the writer’s ideas, however, it is less stylistically mature than upper-half papers.  Sentences are at least logical and clear, even if they are not always smooth. Word choices are generally appropriate, though with occasional lapses.	The language reveals weak control over elements of composition such as diction (word choice) and syntax (sentence structure). Word choices (diction) may be inexact or confusing. Syntax is simple or repetitive, or in some other way interferes with the presentation and flow of ideas.
Conventions	The writing is all but perfect in grammar, punctuation, and spelling, and the paper is neat and orderly.	Writing may contain a few minor errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation, but generally displays a good command of academic writing prose.	Although they do not interfere with comprehension, errors in spelling, grammar and punctuation are frequent enough as to be a distraction.	Consistent errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation are a distraction and sometimes interfere with the reader’s ability to follow the writer’s ideas.

Period 7  Groups

Maiya, Mary, Lyrik, Stephani

Alison, Emilio, Ben

Cullen, Rachel, Kyle

Claudia, Jacob, Morgan

Kay, Albert, Chloe

Kelsey, Brenden, George

Megan, Becca, Niko

Sam, Erica, Griffin

Period 8 Groups

Marina, Kim, Vicky

Sarah, Jack, Franny

Brandon, John, Emily

Paul, Jacob, Lara, Isaac

Tara, Michael, Colin

Maeve, Alexis, Nick

11/14/14

Period 2-Wesley

Advancements Come With Warning

            Advancements are inevitable as time goes on.  Today, the world is full of them ranging from social advancements to technological ones.  However, although some actually help forward society as a whole, they all come at varying prices.  In the 1984, George Orwell satirically portrays the language, government, and the people of the world today through the novel’s dystopian society to warn future audiences of the awful and unjust changes that consume them.

            The lack of general intelligence and free thinking among the common people is a result of the constantly diminishing language.  Oldspeak, or standard English, is slowly eradicated and transformed into something shorter called Newspeak.  However, the development of Newspeak is said to “make all other modes of thought impossible” (300).  He elaborates further by mentioning that it “diminishes the range of thought” of the people, and thus the idea of even rebelling could not be fully grasped because the words aren’t available to them to express their discontentment (300).  Also, Syme, who was part of creating the next edition of the Newspeak dictionary, tried to explain to Winston that eventually, Newspeak will “make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it” (52).  Since they cannot even think about rebelling, there is no way to go through with fighting against Big Brother, and as a result, Big Brother will always perpetually prevail.  The reduction of language is similar to language today, as the use of technology continues to increase steadily.  It also applies to the new slang used by the media and the common people.  The idea of Newspeak is synonymous to the acronyms used in texting and the digital world, which are making their way into every day conversations, such as “OMG” and “Hashtag”.  These words and phrases are subtly changing how people communicate.  The everyday language and vocabulary of the people as a whole has diminished, and now, for example, American citizens in the twenty-first century are less intelligent than the people decades or centuries before.  For instance, the word “literally” is casually and incorrectly used multiple times a day, and the meaning has thus changed with each incorrect usage of the term, as it is now informally used for emphasis or to express a strong feeling that isn’t necessarily true.  With this evolvement of language, people are losing their ability to engage in stimulating or important conversations with others because their thoughts are limited to only a few acronyms.

            Additionally, the control and manipulation of the dystopian society’s government, acts as a parallel to many first-world governments.  For example, surveillance is a huge controversy in the modern world.  In Oceania, citizens’ actions, impulses, words, and even thoughts were monitored.  The surveillance was mainly done through the telescreen, which picks up every sound and every action performed in one’s home and work, and they could be wired by the Thought Police at any moment (3). The omnipresence of the government lead to a loss a privacy, and the fact that citizens had grown used to the constant invasion of privacy makes it even more disturbing.  For example, Winston couldn’t stop being astonished by the fact that “there’s no telescreen” in Mr. Charrington’s room (97).  The normalcy of the lack of privacy was further portrayed because a person “[lived] from habit that became instinct   in the assumption that every sound [that was] made was overheard… every moment scrutinized” (3).  Similar to today, for instance, American citizens’ privacy is slowly being taken away with the expanding usage of security cameras. For example, many school buses and buildings have multiple security cameras.  Also, all phone calls and internet searches are being tracked and monitored by the government daily, and in some cases phone calls can be tapped and recorded.  Police brutality, which is more common nowadays, is similar to the Thought Police spying in on its citizens, as they are overstepping their boundaries and abusing their power to place fear into their country’s citizens. 

            Furthermore, the citizens of Oceania convey Orwell’s purpose to criticize the common people.  Besides the lack of individual thought, Orwell also focuses on how the proles are oblivious to all of these awful things happening around them.  The proles are used to represent the citizens of a society today.  The proles are ignorant to their country’s current events, and they don’t seem to care about what is happening in the world, even when they were bombed they all resumed their business “as though nothing had happened” (84).  The Party believes that the cheap entertainment and luxuries, like “the Lottery” and makeup, available to the proles are enough to keep them occupied and satisfied (85).  Also, the proles did not have certain rules imposed upon them like the Party members did, as a Party slogan even said that the “’Proles and animals are free’” (72).  Like the proles, citizens today do not pay much attention to world affairs or current events.  Rather, they turn a blind eye to it, believing that it does not affect them in any way.  With all of the new distractions available to them, people get tangled up in their own small affairs to do anything productive that will benefit themselves or even the rest of the country.  They choose to not care about how their government is stripping away their rights because they believe that they are getting more important benefits in return.

            Overall, George Orwell’s fear of an awful society is coming true in many senses.  The advancement in technology is a great asset to the modern world, yet they come with a high price: inalienable rights.  Orwell’s purpose is to warn future societies about these inevitable bargains.  He believes that freedom, intelligence, and individuality, although dwindling, are the only things left that can save future societies from such a horrible fate.  In the end, the advancements used to protect the people’s rights will ultimately be the ones to take them away.