Thursday, November 17, 2016

Clarity and Conciseness...Biggest issue in student writing...which ones apply to your writing?

Sentence clarity

Do a read-through in your head...try to hear your voice...

Where a word or sentence sounds awkward...draw a squiggly line under it:

Embedding quotes or ICE'ing them?

Below are two in-class rhetorical analysis papers from last year. While much shorter than the assignment you have, they provide good examples of what rhetorical analysis of 1984 might look like.



Mr. Wesley
AP English 8
17 November 2015
1984 Rhetorical Analysis
               In the third part of 1984, by George Orwell, Winston suffered through brutal torture to pay for his disloyalty to the party. He was betrayed by O’Brien, the person he felt most connected to, because of his unorthodox views. Orwell goes into great detail to describe the mental and physical pain Winston was put through, and his reactions. This passage portrays the incredible power of the Party over the people of Oceania, and how far they are willing to go to maintain their control. The rhetorical devices he used, such as imagery and irony, help the audience to connect with and understand Winston, as well as see the cruelty of the party.
               While in prison, Winston was taken to a room where O’Brien used a torture device that created the sensation of the spine being snapped. The pain would flow through Winston’s body as a punishment for his individual thought. The pain became so intense that he began to hallucinate and “four fingers filled his vision” (250). Winston saw that “the four fingers stood up before his eyes like pillars” but the pain did not change the fact that he saw only four fingers, not five like O’Brien wanted (250). Orwell’s use of a simile to directly compare the fingers to pillars shows how prominent and strong the Party is. The Party had become a permanent fixture in Winston’s life, blocking him of thinking freely. This part of the passage portrays Orwell’s message that this government plays overpowering role in the lives of the citizens.
               Orwell uses imagery to describe Winston’s suffering caused by the torture device. After receiving horrible strikes of pain throughout his whole body, Winston “felt very cold, he was shaking uncontrollably, his teeth were chattering” and “the tears were rolling down his cheeks” (250). Orwell’s diction allows us to almost feel what Winston is feeling, which is what makes this passage very powerful. It could be seen as a symbol for the suffering that Big Brother has caused all of Oceania to go through. When O’Brien turns up the dial again, to extreme levels of pain, Winston begins to see “a forest of fingers” that seemed to be “moving in a sort of dance” (251). As much as he tried to count them, it was impossible “due to the mysterious identity between five and four” (251).  The imagery and personification of the fingers allows the reader to peer into Winston’s mind. O’Brien and the Party’s efforts to brainwash Winston are clearly working because he could no longer definitively say that there were four fingers. Orwell used the image of the fingers to show Winston’s transition into a loyal party member.
               After causing severe pain to change Winston’s desire for individuality, O’Brien waved over his assistant with a syringe of painkiller. “A needle slid into Winston’s arm. Almost in the same instant a blissful, healing warmth spread throughout his body” (252). The diction of this passage allows the reader to almost feel this soothing warmth that Winston felt. Orwell’s use of sensory imagery helps to connect with Winston and the story. The positive tone gives the reader a warm, happy feeling, just as the injection made Winston feel. The ability to connect with him makes the story more enticing and relatable.
               Throughout all of Winston’s torture in prison, one thing does not change in his mind- his opinion of O’Brien. No matter how much pain he causes Winston, he still feels a special connection to O’Brien. Winston sees him as a protector instead of an enemy, which is a classic example of Stockholm Syndrome. After the intense wave of pain, Winston “clung to O’Brien like a baby, curiously comforted by the heavy arm round his shoulders” (250). Instead of blaming O’Brien and being upset, he saw him as a strong, comforting figure. Winston “had never loved him so deeply” because he focused on the fact that O’Brien stopped the pain instead of causing it  (252). The connection Winston feels to O’Brien was a driving factor in his transformation. Orwell focused on this to show the psychological damage that the Party had caused and the power they held over all of society. In addition, the irony allows the reader to see how Winston is being broken down and changed by the party.
               Orwell’s use of rhetorical devices give the audience a real sense of Winston’s pain and mental torment. This passage exemplifies the Party’s full control over society, and how they can change anyone and anything into what they want. Because of their power of peoples’ minds as well as actions, Winston, who used to think of the party as the enemy, looked up to O’Brien like a hero. Orwell made it possible for the audience to connect with Winston and see the horrendous acts of the party almost through their own eyes.

               
Light vs. Dark
            The life of Winston in Oceania compared to the life of Winston while he is with Julia could not be more different. In Oceania, he is unhappy and does not find joy in life. However, with Julia, Winston feels free to express himself and is a happier person overall. In 1984 by George Orwell, the author uses setting and detailed imagery to contrast the hope and beauty of a new relationship with the darker realities of life in Oceania.
            As Winston travels from Oceania to the country, he steps “through dappled light and shade” and “into pools of gold.” The word choice and detail that Orwell chooses clearly represents that Winston is moving from a place of darkness to a place that holds hope for his future. The “sweetness of the air” and “May sunshine” highlights a warm, pretty, and calm setting for when Julia and Winston first meet. The description of the setting allows the reader to naturally associate their relationship with happiness and peacefulness. However, there is always a secret fear of Oceania lurking in the background of the setting. For example, the very feeling of sunshine makes Winston “feel dirty…with the sooty dust of London in the pores of his skin.” Winston will always be reminded of Oceania in some way, and is always looking out for suspicious activity. For instance, “there [is] always the danger of concealed microphones by which your voice might be picked up and recognized.” This suggests that the Party hides microphones everywhere, even in the country, in order to detect people who may be breaking some type of law. This contrasting of light and dark highlights the danger of wanting to be in a genuine relationship with someone in Winston’s society.
            Moreover, Orwell uses very detailed imagery to contrast Julia and Winston’s relationship with the reality of what Oceania is really like. The “faint sickly scent” of the bluebells lingers in the background of Winston being in the meadow where him and Julia are supposed to meet. Orwell uses the bluebells to represent the romance and thrill of the new relationship when Winston wants “to have a bunch to offer the girl when they [meet].” In addition, the “greenness of the leaves” and the fact that “the air seemed to kiss one’s skin” highlight the excitement of being somewhere other than drab Oceania. Unfortunately, this excitement is soon overpowered with the thought of “patrols hanging about the railway stations” and Julia’s “warning that [Winston] must keep silent” until they get to a more private area. Almost immediately after Winston arrives at the secret location and begins to appreciate the natural beauty of life, he is shot down by the reality of the danger that he is going through to even be anywhere but Oceania.

            In conclusion, Orwell contrasts the hope of Julia and Winston’s new relationship with  the darkness and melancholy of Oceania through setting and detailed imagery. The use of these rhetorical elements is important in hinting to the reader that their rendezvous is dangerous and highlights the fact that Oceania does not allow hopefulness in its society. 







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